Airplane Travel Is Such A Pain
by 413ectobiologist
Summary: John is a semi-famous pianist who has been traveling to preform at various concerts and Dave has run away from his bro to travel the world and both are finally returning to the US when they meet on a plane. I posted this on A03 as well.
1. Airplane Travel Is Such A Pain

Airplane Travel Is Such A Pain

"I'm sorry sir, there aren't two seats next to each other we can put you in." You groan, not wanting to deal with this. You are John Egbert and you have been awake for almost thirty-six hours due to flight cancellations. All you want is two seats that are next to each other so you and your sister can sit next to each other. "If you had gotten here earlier, we might have been able to do something about it."

"I WOULD'VE been here earlier if my flight hadn't been CANCELLED. Can't you just move some seats?" You say, trying not to be cranky and failing miserably. Your sister rests a hand on your shoulder.

"John, it's fine. It's just one flight." You turn to her, her green eyes willing you to calm down.

"Yes, Jade, it is just one flight, however, it 's twelve hours." You say. She just shakes her head and turns to the poor airline worker you've been yelling at.

"It'll be fine. He'll sleep the whole time anyway." She grabs your arm and pulls you over to some chairs as you wonder how she can still be so cheerful. "Jade, I really am not in the mood to sit next to some stranger." You groan as she pulls a sandwich out of her backpack and hands it to you.

"I'm sure it'll be fine. No one ever talks to the strangers they sit next to on planes. And you'll be sleeping anyway." She says, pulling another sandwich out of her backpack, this one vegetarian, for herself.

"You know I can't sleep on planes. The outside is too exciting!" You say as you bite into your sandwich. You've loved flying since you were little. Unfortunately, storms seem to follow you like a lost dog, which makes airplane travel a pain in the ass.

"You might not get the window seat, you know. Then you'll have to sleep! Which will be a good thing. You get really cranky when you don't sleep." She says, standing up.

"Where are you going?" you ask, grabbing her sleeve.

"On the plane. They just called for first class. You really are out of it, aren't you?" She asks, pulling you to your feet. You let her pull you to the gate and watch as she hands your boarding passes to the attendant. She's right of course. Jade always is. You hand your passport to the attendant and she checks it and waves you through. You check the seat number on your boarding pass, but the numbers start swimming, so you get Jade to read it. Instead she just leads you to your seat and heads to hers. You shove your backpack in the overhead compartment and sit down in the window seat. Whoever's sitting next to you will have to deal with it. You then realize you forgot your headphones, iPod, and book in your backpack, and that you'll have to get up to get it. You decide that you'll just wait until the person who will sit next to you arrives and ask them to just grab the whole thing. You'll just stuff it under your seat and hope it fits.

You jerk awake as something lands on your shoulder. You blink your eyes rapidly, looking to see what it was. It was the guy next to you. He had tapped you on the shoulder. He was asking you a question. "Sorry, what?"

"Do you want a drink? Or something to eat?" He asked, his voice smooth and deep.

"Uh, sure. I'll have a water." You say, suddenly realizing how dry your mouth was. You pull down your tray, wondering how long you'd been asleep. You take a sip before turning to the guy next to you. "Hey, uh, how long have I been asleep?" You ask. The guy had reddish blonde hair, was wearing really dark shades and had a red hoodie on. He was strikingly attractive. He turned to you.

"'Bout seven hours now. You were really out of it bro. Thought I'd have to slap you to wake you up or somethin'." He says with a slight southern accent. You laugh a little and reach out a hand.

"I'm John Egbert. Sorry I've been asleep for like, half the trip. I had been awake for thirty-six hours and I really needed some sleep." You see him raise his eyebrow a little, but then reached out and shook your hand.

"Dave Strider." He replied. "I don't usually fly first class, but my bro insisted on paying, so here I am."

"I travel a lot for work, so I have a ton of miles saved up." You say. "Hey, do you think you could grab my bag from the overhead compartment for me? I forgot to get some stuff from it when I sat down." He nods and is about to stand up when the pilot comes on the intercom and announces that there'll be some turbulence, and that everyone should remain seated. Dave reattaches his seatbelts and looks back at you.

"Sorry bro. It'll probably go away in a few minutes."

It, however did not go away, and the plane was going to have to land in Germany due to huge storms that were hovering over Belgium and the English Channel that looked to be heading your way. You groan and smack your head against the headrest a couple times. Why does this always happen? Everywhere you go, you're a fricking storm magnet. Dave looks over at you. "Dude, you okay?" He asks as you smack your head again.

"No, I'm not. I have a fucking concert that I'm already cutting it close to be at! I've already had two delays and now this! I HAVE to be there!" You keep smacking your head on the headrest, hoping it will make you forget this whole thing. You really need the money from this concert.

"Dude, I'm sure it'll be fine. Were the tickets really expensive or some shit?" You shake your head, not really wanting to have to explain. Not that this dude looked like he'd be into your stuff, and he hadn't seemed to recognize you.

"It's not a concert I'm going to, it's a concert I'm PREFORMING at. And I need this money for repairs and the rent! Uggggggh." You groan again, still hitting your head on the seat.

"Dude, stop hitting your head. Your destroying your fucking brain cells." Dave says, grabbing your head, and you feel your face get really warm. You hope to God your face isn't red. "There. Now here, have some more water." He says, handing you your cup. "So you're in a band or some shit like that?"

"Something like that. I play piano." You say and drain your cup. Dave hands you his cup of apple juice.

"Here, drink more. So piano, huh? Pretty sweet." You down the apple juice, too, feeling much better.

"It would be sweeter if it paid better, and if I didn't have a crappy piano to practice on. It makes it hard to hear how things sound on a real piano when you just have an old piano that's always out of tune. So I really need the warm-up time that I had already lost due to the cancellations and delays. And now I'm not even gonna make the concert at ALL!" You say, half shouting as the plane begins its descent.

"Hey, calm down. It's gonna be fine. Just call them and ask them to reschedule the concert." Dave says.

"I can't. There are people coming from all over just to see me and I'm not gonna be there, and their all gonna want their money back and I'm not gonna have any money and I'm not gonna be able to make rent and I'm gonna be kicked out of my apartment and…" You trail off as it gets harder to breathe. You feel totally out of control and wish Jade was here. Dave shakes your shoulder a little, but it seems far away. Everything feels like it's on a different plane than you. You feel like your head is going to implode. Dave shakes your shoulder again and you realize he's saying something.

"Dude, DUDE, are you okay? You're freakin out pretty fucking bad." You can't see his eyes, but you can hear the concern in his voice.

"I need my backpack. Like, right now." You say, hoping he doesn't ask why. Dave nods and stands up. An attendant rushes over and tells him to sit down, but he ignores her and continues to get the backpack.

"Sir, sir, I need you to sit down. Sir? SIR SIT DOWN." He finally turns to her, throwing the backpack on his seat.

"Look, my friend is freaking out, and he told me to get his fucking backpack. So I got the backpack. Now I'm sitting back down. Calm down." And he pushes the backpack over to you and takes his seat again, buckling up. You search through your backpack and pull out your meds and a water bottle and swallow a pill. You then stuff your backpack under your seat and lean back, closing your eyes and trying to calm down. "Yo Egbert, you okay?" You nod, eyes still closed.

"Ya, I just…" You trail off not wanting to tell a total stranger all about your anxiety. "Never mind." You say, opening your eyes. Dave just shrugs and says an okay. "Oh god, how am I gonna pay for a hotel room when we get to Germany?" You whisper to yourself. Dave looks over at you again.

"Hey. I'll pay for a hotel. I got some money." You shake your head. You can't owe more money to people. You just don't have the money to pay them back.

"No, I can't. I already owe enough money to people."

"I insist. I won't make you pay me back. Just get me and my friend Rose and her girlfriend into one of those sweet concerts of yours, and we'll be even." You just continue to shake your head.

"It's not just me. It's also my sister. She's sitting somewhere else." Dave just continues to insist.

"No really, it's fine. Earlier, I said my bro insisted on paying? Well that was a bit of an exaggeration. I stole his credit card. But before you start going off on me, he was being a douche, and I do it all the time. He doesn't care or notice really. He has like 50 of 'em. I've taken some plenty of times. Never notices. He probably didn't even notice that I was gone. He's so absorbed in his stupid puppet business. He can't bother to pay attention to anything else. I swea-" You cut him off.

"Alright fine. Since you insist. And I'll see about getting you into one of my concerts. Though I wouldn't picture you as a classical music fan." You say, finally feeling a bit calmer.

"Well, I'm not really. But my friend and her girlfriend are, and I might as well get SOMETHING out of the deal. Plus, I like you Egbert. You seem pretty chill." Dave says and you feel your face get warm again.

"You seem pretty cool, too." You reply.

"Ya, I am." Dave says and you laugh, feeling a little better.


	2. The Same Chapter From Dave's Perspective

The Same Goddamn Chapter From Dave's Perspective

You are now Dave Strider and you are running through the airport, trying to make your flight. Making a habit of being fashionably late was coming back to bite you in the ass. You rush up to the gate and shove your boarding pass and passport at the attendant. She glances up at you. "Sir, can you remove the glasses?" You lift them quickly, wishing you didn't have to, and she nods at you, handing you back your passport. You let the shades fall back down and you rush by her. You board the plane, glancing at your boarding pass for your seat number. You were in first class. Bro had pissed you off a couple months ago, so you stole one of his bazillion credit cards and bought a 1st class plane ticket to the first place you could think of. You've been travelling around ever since. Your Bro probably hadn't even noticed you or the credit card missing. Too wrapped up in his fucking bullshit business. Puppet porn. What kinda business is that? You decided to go back home because you missed your mixing equipment. You had some on your laptop, and you DJ'ed at some clubs, but it just wasn't the same. You make it to your seat and sit down, bumping the guy next to you and stuffing your backpack under your seat as the flight attendant begins the safety demonstration. You glance at who's sitting next to you. The dude's out like a fucking light, snoring softly. His hair's a mess, his glasses are almost falling off his face and he's wearing what looks to be a _Ghostbusters _t-shirt. You push his glasses back up his nose before pulling out a pack of gum. Your ears are pretty sensitive on planes, which you discovered the first time you flew out of Texas. You were miserable the whole time. You found that chewing gum helps, and who are you to argue with gum? After the plane gets up in the air you pull out your laptop, putting it in airplane mode. You plug in your headphones and start fooling around with your latest mix. You've got some lyrics and your trying to fit some music to them. You accidently hit the guy next to you a fuck ton of times, but he doesn't wake up. Dude really is out. You finally give up trying to fix the music. You'll do it once you've got your real mixing equipment. It's missing something. You just don't know what. You pull up Portal, deciding to play it again. You've played it a million times, but it's really addicting.

An hour later, an attendant comes by with a cart and asks if you want anything. You ask for some apple juice. Something else you're addicted to. You turn to the guy beside you and tap him to ask if he wants anything. It takes a couple taps, but finally he jerks awake, turning to you. "You want somethin?" you ask, but he just blinks at you.

"Sorry, what?" His voice kinda raspy.

"Do you want a drink? Or something to eat?" You ask. He nods slightly, turning to the attendant.

"Uh, sure. I'll have a water." The attendant pours one and hands it to him as he pulls down his tray. He takes a sip and turns to you.

"Hey, uh, how long have I been asleep?" He asks, his voice smoother, though still slightly raspy.

"'Bout seven hours now. You were really out of it bro. Thought I'd have to slap you to wake you up or somethin'." You say, noticing that his eyes are really fucking blue. Blue as the fucking ocean. You shake yourself a little. That was the most clichéd thing you ever thought. No wait, not clichéd, ironic. There. Much better. He's laughing. He holds out a hand to you.

"I'm John Egbert. Sorry I've been asleep for like, half the trip. I had been awake for thirty-six hours and I really needed some sleep." He says, and you raise your eyebrow before reaching out to shake his hand.

"Dave Strider." He shakes your hand vigorously and your surprised by how strong his handshake is. "I don't usually fly first class, but my bro insisted on paying, so here I am." you blurt out, and as you're saying it you wonder why the fuck you would say that. It has absolutely no relevance. What the actual fuck.

"I travel a lot for work, so I have a ton of miles saved up." He says. "Hey, do you think you could grab my bag from the overhead compartment for me? I forgot to get some stuff from it when I sat down." You nod and unbuckle your seatbelt. You start to stand up, but the pilot comes over the speakers and says for everyone to stay seated, there's going to be some turbulence. You sit back down, and turn to Egbert.

"Sorry bro. It'll probably go away in a few minutes." you say, pulling out your headphones and your iPod. You slide the headphones over your ears and turn the music up. You close your eyes and try to get some rest, but you just can't fall asleep. A constant theme the past couple days. You sigh and pull your headphones off, lowering the volume so the whole plane doesn't hear your music, just in time to hear the pilot announce that they would have to land in Germany due to some storms and shit. You look over at Egbert and see him smacking his head against the headrest. "Dude, you okay?" you ask as he continues to smack his head against the headrest, probably destroying his fucking brain cells in the process. You think you read that somewhere.

"No, I'm not. I have a fucking concert that I'm already cutting it close to be at! I've already had two delays and now this! I HAVE to be there!" He continues hitting his head against the seat. You wonder if you should put a pillow or some shit behind his head.

"Dude, I'm sure it'll be fine. Were the tickets really expensive or some shit?" You ask and he shakes his head.

"It's not a concert I'm going to, it's a concert I'm PREFORMING at. And I need this money for repairs and the rent! Uggggggh." His voice is starting to sound raspy again.

"Dude, stop hitting your head. Your destroying your fucking brain cells." You say, grabbing his head to keep him from causing himself any damage.

"There. Now here, have some more water." You say, grabbing his cup and handing it to him. He drinks a bit and you ask if he's in a band.

"Something like that. I play piano." He says, afterward draining his cup. You begrudgingly hand him your apple juice. You'll just buy some more after you get to Germany. Egbert seems like he needs it more.

"Here, drink more. So piano, huh? Pretty sweet." Piano wasn't really your style, but you didn't hate it. There were worse instruments. Like saxophones. And piccolos. God, piccolos were so fucking annoying. Why do they exist? Flutes are just fine, but piccolos. Were. So. Fucking. High-pitched. John's voice interrupts your train of thought.

"It would be sweeter if it paid better, and if I didn't have a crappy piano to practice on. It makes it hard to hear how things sound on a real piano when you just have an old piano that's always out of tune. So I really need the warm-up time that I had already lost due to the cancellations and delays. And now I'm not even gonna make the concert at ALL!" Egbert's really freaking out now. He's half shouting and you can see some people turn their heads to see what's up.

"Hey, calm down. It's gonna be fine. Just call them and ask them to reschedule the concert." You say, putting a hand on his shoulder and immediately taking it back, not wanting to freak him out.

"I can't. There are people coming from all over just to see me and I'm not gonna be there, and they're all gonna want their money back and I'm not gonna have any money and I'm not gonna be able to make rent and I'm gonna be kicked out of my apartment and…" His breathing is getting shallow and quick.

"Egbert. You okay? Egbert. Dude, DUDE, are you okay? You're freakin out pretty fucking bad." You shake his shoulder a little, trying to get him to focus on you. You're pretty sure he's having a panic attack, but you don't know what to do about it.

"I need my backpack. Like, right now." You nod and stand up. Immediately an attendant walks over and tells you to sit down. You hold up a finger and reach up to the overhead compartment, opening it and grabbing the backpack. The attendant becomes more persistent and tries to push you into your seat. That's the last straw. You throw the backpack towards Egbert and turn to the attendant.

"Look, my friend is freaking out, and he told me to get his fucking backpack. So I got the backpack. Now I'm sitting back down. Calm down." You shove the backpack over to John and sit down. He pulls out a medicine bottle and swallows some, then shoves the backpack under the seat. "Yo Egbert, you okay?" You ask and he nods.

"Ya, I just… Never mind." You shrug and say okay. "Oh god, how am I gonna pay for a hotel room when we get to Germany?" You hear him whisper. You turn back to him.

"Hey. I'll pay for a hotel. I got some money." You don't mind spending as much of Bro's money as possible. In fact you enjoy it, probably more than you should, nut it doesn't matter. He's got fuck tons of money. Egbert shakes his head.

"No, I can't. I already owe enough money to people."

"No, I insist. I won't make you pay me back. Just get me and my friend Rose and her girlfriend into one of those sweet concerts of yours, and we'll be even." You know Rose's girlfriend will LOVE that and Rose will be pretty happy, too. Egbert just keeps shaking his head.

"It's not just me. It's also my sister. She's sitting somewhere else."

"No really, it's fine. Earlier, I said my bro insisted on paying? Well that was a bit of an exaggeration. I stole his credit card. But before you start going off on me, he was being a douche, and I do it all the time. He doesn't care or notice really. He has like 50 of 'em. I've taken some plenty of times. Never notices. He probably didn't even notice that I was gone. He's so absorbed in his stupid puppet business. He can't bother to pay attention to anything else. I swea-" John's voice cuts you off.

"Alright fine. Since you insist. And I'll see about getting you into one of my concerts. Though I wouldn't picture you as a classical music fan." You lean back, satisfied.

"Well, I'm not really. But my friend and her girlfriend are, and I might as well get SOMETHING out of the deal. Plus, I like you Egbert. You seem pretty chill."

"You seem pretty cool, too." He replys.

"Ya, I am." You respond.


	3. Fucking Airlines Am I Right

Fucking Airlines Am I Right

You are John Egbert and you are actually a little bit excited about staying in Germany. You have never been and you've always wanted to go. As soon as the plane lands you unbuckle your seatbelt and jump up and down a few times in your seat. Dave turns to look at you. "Excited?" He asks, raising an eyebrow. You nod.

"Hell ya I am! I've always wanted to go to Germany. I mean it sucks that I won't be there for my concert, but I can just play at some places while we're here, and then when we get home, I'll figure something out. Work at a diner or something." You say, wishing the pilot would hurry up and park.

"So you're good now?" Dave asks. You nod and look out the window where it's starting to snow. You hear Dave groan next to you. "What's wrong?"

"I don't have anything with me for cold weather. All I have is this hoodie and a hat. I already sent all my winter shit home. I was in Australia last. I didn't think I'd need all that crap." You look at him, sizing him up.

"I can lend you some of my stuff! Most of my winter stuff is pretty loose and you don't seem to be much taller than me. It's the least I can do since you're paying for my hotel room." Dave appears to be contemplating this. It's so hard to read him with those shades on.

"Ya, alright. That should work. So long as not all your clothes are as dorky as that Ghostbusters shirt." You look down at your shirt, giggling.

"Hey, don't knock the Ghostbusters!" You say, pulling your backpack out from under the seat while Dave grabs his. He waits for you to get out and follows you out of the plane and in the terminal, where you both wait for Jade. She finally gets off, looking a little rumpled but still pretty cheery.

"Hey John! And hi…" She trails off, looking to you for a name.

"Dave Strider." Dave answers before you can. "I'll be paying for your hotel room while we're here." Jade looks at you.

"Oh that's so nice of you! But we really can't accept that." She shoots you a look that says, _'Why would you accept a room from a virtual stranger when you KNOW we can't pay him back!' _Dave coughs and she looks back at him.

"John and I already worked out an agreement. I pay for your room with my douche bag of a bro's money, and he gets me tickets to see him play. He's also lending me some winter clothes." You nod sending Jade a look. _'It's fine. Don't worry about it. He really helped me out on the plane. I trust this guy." _

"Well, alright." She says, raising an eyebrow at you. You follow Dave out to grab your luggage. When you reach the luggage carousel you run over and grab a luggage cart and go back over to stand with Jade and Dave. You stand there for almost half an hour before any luggage comes out. There's only five pieces of luggage, and it doesn't seem to be anybody's. You go and check to make sure you have the right carousel. You do.

"Where the fuck is our luggage?" You hear Dave say.

"I don't know, I'm going to go ask someone at the desk." Jade says, walking over to the help desk.

"Do you think it's already in America? They might have shipped it straight there." You say to Dave.

"I have no fucking clue, dude. I am too exhausted to deal with this shit." He says, pushing his shades farther up his nose.

"Did you not sleep on the plane?" You ask and he shakes his head. He's about to say something else, but then Jade comes back over, looking very annoyed.

"They have no idea where our luggage is. Apparently it was never boarded on the plane, but it's not in the airport we left from either. They think it might have been loaded onto a different flight, but they don't know for sure." She says, running a hand through her hair, getting it stuck a few times.

"Uh, excuse me, did you say that they don't, uh, know where our luggage is?" You turn to see a guy walking over to you, stumbling a bit. He had a Mohawk and looked really awkward, like he was learning to walk again.

"Ya, they think it got loaded on the wrong plane. They're trying to track it now." Jade says.

"Tavros, what the hell is taking so long? Just find out what they did with our freaking luggage already! Should've just done it myself. You can't ask someone where the bathroom is." A girl calls out, walking over to you guys.

"Uh, actually, I did ask someone!" The guy, Tavros you assume, replies. "They said they don't know where the luggage is bu…"

"Ugh, you can't even ask someone who KNOWS anything about this shit? Come on, I'll show how it's done." The girl grabs his arm and drags him off towards the help desk.

"Wow, poor guy. Having to put up with someone like that." You say, and Dave nods.

"Maybe I should get that dude a room, too. Away from that asshole." He says, and is about to continue when the girl shouts from the desk.

"Does anyone here speak German?" Jade turns to you guys.

"I'll be right back. And I'll offer Tavros a room."

"Wait, Jade speaks German?" Dave asks.

"Yup, we both do. Our dad was from Germany. We never lived here, but we know the language. Jade knows it better than I do. I didn't use it for a long time, so mines rusty. But Jade always speaks it with our dad." Dave nods and looks over at the help desk where Jade and the girl seem to be arguing.

"Do you think we should go over there and help her?" Dave asks and you shake your head.

"Jade knows how to deal with people. You know the expression "kill them with kindness"? Well Jade has mastered that. But when that doesn't work she can be downright fierce. It's actually terrifying." You say, laughing a little.

"Really? _Jade_?" Dave asks. "But she's tiny! She's like five three!" You look at him.

"She's six two! She's taller than me and you! You really are tired, aren't you? How long have you been awake?" You ask.

"I don't know. 'Bout four days, I guess." You stare at him in disbelief.

"DAVE! How have you not slept for four days! That's so unhealthy! Hold on. I'm telling Jade we're going ahead to the hotel and that I'll call her when we get there." You say, forcing Dave into a chair and running off to the desk before he can protest. "Hey, Dave and I are going ahead to the hotel. I'll call you when we're there. And bring anyone who needs a room. Dave really wants to run up his bro's card." She nods and goes back to arguing and you rush back to Dave. "Come on." You say, pulling him up and grabbing both of your backpacks. You half-drag him out of the airport and flag down a taxi.

"I'm fine, Egbert. Really, I am. This isn't the first time I've done this." You stare at him.

"That is so bad for you. Have you seen a doctor about this? Cuz it's not healthy." You say as a taxi pulls up. You open the door and Dave slides in.

"I'm fine. I'm used to it by now." He says to you. "Take us to the nicest hotel here." He says to the cab driver. "You take credit cards, right?" The driver nods and pulls away from the curb.

"So not okay. You're going to sleep the moment we get to the hotel, and I'm making sure of it. I'll also get some money out of my dad's account here. He won't mind as long as it's an emergency." You feel Dave's head drop on your shoulder. You look at him and see he's fast asleep. You smile and slide off his shades, putting them in his backpack.

The driver pulls up to a large hotel. "Hotel Vier Jahreszeiten Kempinski Munich. Most desirable hotel in Munich." You climb out of the taxi with the two backpacks and hand the driver Dave's bro's credit card. He hands it back, saying he needs a German credit card. You groan and ask where the nearest ATM is. You points you down the street, and you head down to it, saying you'll be right back. You punch in your dad's pin and get two hundred dollars out of it. You run back to the cab, pulling a fifty from the stack and shove it at the driver. You walk around to the other side of the cab and pull Dave out, pulling him onto your back. You don't want to wake him, not if he hasn't gotten any sleep in four days. You slam the car door and hurry over to the hotel door, pulling one open. You set Dave down in a chair and head over to the reception desk.

"Ja, hallo. Ich wolte ein Zimmer mit zwei Betten bitte." You say to the worker, explaining that you want a bedroom with two beds. He nods and types something in his computer, then turns to you.

"Wir haben nur Suiten, ist das in Ordnung?" He explains that there are only suites available and asks if that's okay. You nod and he hands you a room key that says 612 on it. You walk back over to the chair and pick Dave up again. You walk over to the elevator and push the button. It takes forever for it to come, and once you're inside you slide Dave down so he still has an arm around you. He may be skinny but he's still pretty heavy.

The door reaches floor six and you pull him onto your back again. You stumble off the elevator and head down the hall to your room. Luckily it's close and you stick the key in and push your way into the room. It's the nicest room you've ever been in, but you don't have time to look around. You find your way into one of the bedrooms and dump Dave down on the bed. You put his backpack on the floor next to him and his shades on his nightstand and walk out into the main room. It's gorgeous. It must have been really expensive. You feel kind of bad about using Dave's bro's money, considering you don't even know the guy, but desperate times and all that bullshit. You pull a hoodie over your head and you remember you're supposed to call Jade. You grab the hotel phone and dial her number. She picks up after two rings.

"Hello?"

"Jade? It's John. We're at the Hotel Vier Jahreszeiten Kempinski Munich. Room 612." You tell her, flopping down on the couch and pulling your laptop out of your backpack.

"Alright thanks. Also, I convinced that Tavros guy to come with me."

"Really? That's great." You stand back up, looking for an outlet.

"Ya, but… I also managed to get a couple more people who needed rooms. I hope that's okay." She says sounding worried.

"I'm sure that'll be fine. This room's got… goddamn." You whisper, looking at the outlet you just found. You forgot their outlets would be different.

"John? What is it?"

"Oh nothing, just that we're gonna have to get an adapter for our chargers."

"Oh okay. We can go shopping for some stuff when I get there. I'll head over there now. Will you meet me in the lobby?" You agree and scribble a note for Dave that you're going to the lobby to meet Jade. You grab a book and head down to the lobby.


	4. John Gets A Little Drunk With Nepeta

John Gets a Little Drunk With Nepeta

You head out the door and walk down the hall to the elevator. While you wait for it to come up, you wonder who else Jade brought with her. She's not usually very trusting of strangers, not since someone wouldn't stop trolling her when she was thirteen. It turned out to be your friend, Karkat, playing a prank, but she never quite got over it. It took her years for her to forgive him. The elevator dings and you step into it and press the ground floor button. The elevator doors slide open to reveal an empty lobby. You walk over to the lounge and sit down in one of the huge chairs, pulling your feet up and opening your book, _The Fault in Our Stars_, which Jade had insisted you read. You were about halfway through and it was REALLY, REALLY good. You kick your shoes off and start to read.

"John, wake up. JOHN." Someone's yelling at you.

"Ugh, five more minutes." You say, swatting at their hand, which is shaking your shoulder.

"John, you have the room key. You have to get up." The voice is more insistent now.

"Fine." You groan and sit up, blinking. Your glasses are hanging half off your face and your book is on the floor. "Aw, I lost my place." You say, straightening your glasses. You turn to see Jade and about seven other people standing around. "Did you bring this many people?!" You say, looking around at them and picking up your book and handing it to Jade.

"Well, yes. But it's not entirely my fault! Look who I ran into!" She says, pulling a short, wild haired, angry looking guy over to you.

"Karkat! Hey, I haven't seen you in forever!" You grab him and pull him into a tight hug.

"Hey, get off me!" He says, pushing on you. He's surprisingly quiet and you wonder if you had exaggerated how loud he was over time.

"Oh, come on. I haven't seen you in like three years. I get to hug you." You say pulling him in tighter. "You still dating Terezi?" You ask, finally letting him go.

"Uh, ya, she's around here somewhere. TEREZI." He yells, loud enough to wake up the drunk guy at the bar. Nope, you didn't exaggerate. He was just tired. A girl with dark brown hair and red glasses pushed her way out of the mess of people, sniffing at the air.

"Is that Johnny I smell? And Jade?" She says, poking you with her dragon cane. Terezi may be blind, but she sure can get around. She has the best sense of smell. It's a little creepy, but pretty cool, too.

"Yup, hey Terezi. Long time no smell." You say as she pulls you in for a hug.

"Hehehe. Yup, haven't smelt you since your cousin's wedding!" She says, pulling your hood over your eyes.

"Hey!" You say, but she's already turned to talk to Jade. You turn back to Karkat who's staring off at the drunken guy at the bar. You poke him. "So, are you gonna introduce me to all these people?"

"Ya, come on." He says, kinda dazed. He pulls a really tall, really muscular guy over to you. The guy is sweating buckets, even though it's below freezing outside and he's wearing a tank top. He's also wearing dark glasses that are extremely cracked and his black hair's pulled back in a ponytail. "This is Equius. Ignore his sweat." Karkat says, seeming even smaller next to Equius. Equius holds a hand out to you. "Pleasure to meet you…" He trails off, looking to you for a name.

"John. John Egbert. Nice to meet you, too." You say, shaking his hand.

"Where's Nepeta?" Karkat asks him.

"Over by the bar, sulking. Since they didn't let her take her claws on the plane she doesn't have them now." Equius says, pointing over to where a small girl is halfway through a pint of beer.

"Let's come back to her. She's an angry drunk." Karkat says, guiding you over the guy you met earlier and a tall guy with the craziest hair you have ever seen. "The one who looks like he can't stand up is Tavros, I think you met him earlier. And next to him is Gamzee." Gamzee looked like he was extremely high and nodded in your direction.

"'Sup motherfucker." He said, his words stilted. You nod back as Karkat drags you over to the girl you saw with Tavros earlier. You hadn't noticed it then, but she had the most beautiful hair you had ever seen. It was indescribable. She wore glasses that had one eye completely darkened and had what looked like a robotic arm.

"This is Vriska. She's a bitch. Stay away from her." Karkat says, starting to drag you away.

"Oh, come on Karkat." She says, grabbing your arm. Her voice was silky smooth. "I'm not _that _bad. Bluh bluh, huge bitch is all I hear from you! I'm so much more than that Karkles." She said, her voice becoming sickly sweet.

"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Karkat yelled at her.

"Woah, Karkles, you need to calm down and tell me your cute friend's name." She turned to you.

"J-John." You stutter a little. She was intoxicating.

"Well, John, you gonna take us all up to this magnificent hotel room that we're supposedly staying at?" You nod and turn to go find Jade before she can say anything else. You grab Jade's arm and tell her to follow you up to the hotel room. She calls out for everyone to follow you. Everyone except Nepeta and Equius, who are still at the bar, shuffle after you. You lead them all to the elevators and you all crowd in there. Everyone is deadly silent on the way up. You're sure everyone is exhausted.

You head down the hall and open the door to the hotel room. Everyone pushes in, desperate to sit down, and Tavros falls on top of Gamzee. You pull them to their feet and get everyone's attention. "Alright, there's three bedrooms, each one can have two people in it. That means only six people can sleep in beds and the rest of us will have to make other arrangements. Dave, the guy who's paying for all this, already has one bed, so if someone wants to bunk with him, feel free."

"Equius is going to want the uh, couch and Nepeta will probably just sleep on top of some pillows or uh, something." Tavros says stumbling over to the kitchen chairs and plopping down on one.

"Tavros should get a bed. He flails around in his sleep so much he'll fall off anything else." Vriska calls from the kitchen. "I'll call down to reception and get a cot. I won't be sleeping much anyway. Germany has the best beer. I'll be at bars all night long."

"I'll get a cot as well. I don't need to sleep in a bed." You say, heading for the phone to call the front desk.

"John, no. I'll sleep on the cot, you can sleep in a bed. You need the sleep more than I do!" Jade says, grabbing the phone out of your hand and placing it back on the receiver.

"Let's just draw a chart. This is too confusing." Karkat shouts from the couch where he planted himself. He pulls out a pen and a piece of paper and writes all your names on the top. You argue over who's sleeping where for a while until you finally come up with an arrangement.

"Okay, Tavros and Gamzee have one bed, Vriska and Jade will get cots, Terezi and Karkat have a bed, Nepeta will get a bunch of pillows to sleep on, Equius has the couch, and Dave and I have a bed." You say, looking at the chart Karkat has expertly drawn up. You remember in college he was obsessed with them. Some things never change. "I'll be going shopping tomorrow, so if anyone has any requests write them down. I'm already getting adapters, winter clothes, which I'll need your sizes for, and groceries. If you want specific groceries, write them down. And none of that Betty Crocker shit. I won't stand for it." You say, flipping the paper over and putting it on the kitchen table with the pen on top of it. "Now I'll head to the bar to get Equius and Nepeta. I'll ask if they'll send up some cots while I'm down there." You say, glancing at Jade.

"Thanks, John. Also ask if they serve breakfast!" You nod at her, grabbing your jacket and your room key as you head out the door. You head down the hall, getting out of the way of several drunk couples. You manage to get to the elevator without knocking anyone over and you push the down button. You stand there for a couple minutes, slowly getting impatient. Elevators should be faster than this. Finally it opens, and the really big guy, Equius, stumbles out of it. He bumps into you and nearly knocks you down.

"Please, excuse me, I appear to be quite drunk." He enunciates quite well for someone who's hammered.

"Come on, I'll help you back to the hotel room." You say after realizing he doesn't know where the hotel room is. He slings an arm around you and gestures to the hallway.

"Do lead the way." You lead him down to the room, sliding your key in and helping him over to the couch. No one else is around. Probably all already asleep. license You set him down and go get a glass of water from the kitchen, setting it down on the coffee table. You grab a blanket that someone must have set out and throw it over Equius. He's already asleep and you head out the door again. Once again at the elevator, it comes quickly this time and you ride down to the lobby alone. The doors swing open and you step out, scanning the bar for the girl Equius had pointed out earlier. There she was. She was wearing an olive green t-shirt, baggy black cargo pants and a blue hat with what looked to be cat ears. There was a red jacket draped over the barstool next to her. You walk over and slide into the barstool on her other side.

She looks over at you and, in the cutest voice you have ever heard, asks, "Can I help you?"

"Yes, hi, I'm John Egbert. I'm one of the people you're staying with. Cool hat, by the way!" You say as the bartender walks over to you.

"Would you like something to drink?" He asks, with a thick accent.

"Oh, no nothing for me."

"I'll have another beer and he'll have one, too!" Nepeta says, turning to the bartender.

"Oh, no I really shouldn't."

"Oh, but you really should! The beer's amazing here! You _have_ to try it!" She says, giggling.

"Oh, alright, one beer can't hurt." You couldn't believe Equius said she was an angry drunk. The bartender walks over to you with two HUGE beers. He sets them on the coasters by your seats.

"I just came down to tell you we're in room 612." You say, sipping your beer. Sweet lord this is the best damn beer you've ever had. It's only the second beer you've had, but still.

"Well, now we can talk! I've heard some about you from Karkat and Terezi. Mostly how much you love pranks and hate Betty Crocker. I've never met someone who hates Betty Crocker!" She says as you chug your beer down as fast as you can.

"Well, my dad made so much Betty Crocker stuff when I was little I got sick of it and started to hate it. I was devastated to find out Betty Crocker made Gushers. I made, admittedly, a bigger deal out of it than it really was, but I was a dramatic kid." You motion for the bartender to bring you another beer. "But what about you? I haven't heard anything about you!" You say, reaching for the beer mug the bartender was handing you.

"Oh, there's not much to tell. I run a matchmaker service and I go hunting in my free time!" She says, reaching out for her mug. As you're gulping down your second beer, the drunk guy who was passed out at the bar earlier walks up to Nepeta.

"Heyyyyy baby. Wanna go fuck?" He slurs, putting a hand on Nepeta. You're about to tell the guy to fuck off, but Nepeta beats you to it.

"Touch me again, I'll cut your dick off." Her cutesy tone is gone, replaced by a lower voice with a deep growl underneath. You're terrified, and she's not even threatening you. The guy takes his hand off her but continues to bother her.

"Come oooon babyyy. You know you wanna fuck me. Ditch the looooser and come to my room with meeee." He says and the next thing you know, he's on the ground with Nepeta wailing on him, breaking his nose and knocking out several teeth. You think you should probably stop her from killing him, but you're too scared to interfere. Finally you slowly reach out and pull her back.

"Nepeta, calm down. The guy already has to go to the hospital." You say, waving for the bartender to bring over another two beers.

"Anyway! There's not that much to me!" She says, her voice back to the high-pitched cutesy tone from before. You make a mental note to never get on this Nepeta's bad side.

"Well, what about the others? It looks like we'll be staying here for a while, I should know something about them." You gulp down another beer, and you start to feel it.

"Well, Tavros is super sweet, but he has some self esteem problems, which are mostly because of Vriska. She makes fun of the fact that he can't walk, even though she's the reason why he ended up in a wheelchair. She still makes fun of him, even more so since he got robotic legs and had to learn to walk again. He's really awesome and loves Disney movies." You're about to ask about how Vriska caused Tavros to lose his legs, but Nepeta plows on. "You know Karkat and Terezi already, and I don't think I should be the one to tell you about Vriska. We're not really friends. You could ask Terezi, they're really close. Equius is my best friend. He's really smart. He made Vriska's arm and Tavros' legs. He's really talented with electronics, but no one ever sees past how sweaty he is. It's a shame, because he's a really fun person, albeit a little controlling at times. But that's only because he cares." You feel a little guilty for judging Equius prematurely, and you gulp down the rest of your beer. The bartender is already there with another one. Did you ask for one? You can't remember. You shrug and start on whatever number beer this is. "Gamzee is a little odd. He had a small psychotic break one summer when we were all at camp. He tried to kill me and Equius. We don't know what happened, but he had been missing for a while, and when he came back he was insane. Karkat finally managed to subdue him after a while, but he was admitted to a mental hospital for a few years, so it wouldn't happen again. I don't think he's been sober since he got released. He felt so bad after it happened. He thought we would hate him, but we could tell he felt horrible and that he hadn't been in his right mind. I don't think it'll happen again. But he goes everywhere with Karkat, so if it does happen, Karkat can calm him down. But he can be quite sweet, it's no wonder Tavros likes him."

"Oh, Tavros likes Gamzee?" You ask, turning to the bartender to ask for a water.

"Ya, but I think Gamzee's too high to notice." Nepeta says, wobbling on her stool and starting to slide off. You catch her and she drapes an arm over your shoulder.

"Alright, let's get you to bed. You are pretty drunk." You say, stumbling over to the elevators, glancing at the clock. The numbers are swimming and you can't tell what time it is. "And apparently so am I!" You say, bursting into a fit of giggles. This is the first time you've been this drunk, and it's kind of fun. "How many beers did I have? I lost count." You say, pushing the button repeatedly. The elevator dings and you drag yourself and Nepeta into it, pushing what you hope is the number 6. You reach what appears to be the sixth floor and you drag Nepeta to the room. You slide the key in and she steps inside. You got a sudden urge to do something. You just didn't know what. "Hey, I'm gonna head down to the lobby. I have something I want to do." You say, turning around and closing the door behind you. You hope you'll figure out what you want to do on your way downstairs.


	5. Shopping Time

You are Dave Strider, and something very cold and very wet is seeping through your covers. You open your eyes, rubbing them and look over to the other side of the bed where Egbert has wiggled his way into the covers. Which wouldn't be a problem if he wasn't _soaking wet. _You kick him under the covers to wake him up, but he doesn't move. You kick him a few more times before just pushing him off the bed, but he still doesn't wake up. You look through your bag and find your phone, pulling up the loudest song you can find and blasting it in his ear. Nothing. Man, he's a heavy sleeper. You stand him up and shake him around a little. His eyes open slightly and he mumbles something. "Yo, Egbert. Wake the fuck up bro." You say, jostling him a little more.

"Whaaaaat?" He groans at you, and you can smell the beer on his breath.

"Dude, how drunk are you?" You say, holding him a little farther away from you.

"I dunno. I los' count o' the beers." He slurs, leaning into you.

"Woah, only shirt I have, bro." You push him upright again. "And why are you soaking wet?"

"Wha? I'm wha now?" He groans.

"You're soaking wet bro. Head to toe." You say, finally giving up and letting him slump on your shoulder. You'll just hang your shirt up.

"I think… I think I wen' for a swim." He says, giggling.

"Why the fuck did you go swimming? You don't have a swimsuit. You only have one set of clothes right now!"

"No, I got another set in… in my backpack." Egbert yawns. You set him against the wall and forbid him from getting in the bed. It's already wet enough. You ask him where he put his backpack.

"In the…" He pauses, thinking. "kitchen." You run to the kitchen and grab his backpack and pull out the clothes. You run back to the bedroom and pull Egbert to his feet.

"Come on. Go change." You push him into the bathroom. "Towel dry first!" You shout through the door. You realize you don't have your shades on and look around for them. They're on the nightstand by your bed. You grab them and slide them on your face. You're glad Egbert is too drunk to open his eyes all the way. People get way freaked out by your eyes and you do not want to deal with that. Egbert opens the door and stumbles out. You grab a towel and dry his hair, which he forgot about. You put him on the dry side of the bed and grab a pillow for yourself. You pull off your shirt and hang it in the bathroom before curling up on the floor to try and get some more sleep.

Someone is shoving your shoulder. And yelling at you to get up. You groan and roll over, hitting your head on something sharp. "Ow. Fuck." You groan, rolling back onto your back and opening your eyes a little. Your shades have remained on your face, thanks to some miracle, and you see Egbert standing over you with the biggest grin you have ever seen. "Ugh, Egbert, how do you not have a fucking hangover? You were drunk off your ass last night." You say, sitting up.

"I don't know. I don't remember half of last night, but I'm fine now. Anyway, I got pancakes from the breakfast buffet, and after we eat, we're going shopping! I wouldn't worry about it, except the weather says we're going to be snowed in for a couple days. No flights will be leaving until the snowstorm is over. And we need some winter clothes and groceries. Too expensive to eat out all the time." He says, pulling you to your feet and shoving your shirt at you. You follow him out into the kitchen, pulling on your shirt and glancing at the clock. Eight fucking thirty. You turn around and head back to your room, but Egbert grabs your arm and pulls you back. "Where do you think you're going?" You glare at him even though you know he can't see.

"It's too early Egbert." You try to get back to the room, but he pulls you into a chair and puts pancakes in front of you. He's stronger than he looks.

"Eat. Then we're going to get clothes and groceries." He says, shoving some pancake in his mouth and attempting to calm his hair a little, to no avail. As soon as you take your last bite, he shoves your wallet into your hand and drags you out the door.

"Woah, dude, slow down. Why are you in such a hurry?" You ask, checking your hair in the reflection of the elevator doors. Amazingly, your hair is perfect. Another miracle. Today is the day of fucking miracles. You lean against the door of the elevator and close your eyes, but two seconds later Egbert is once again dragging you out the door. You follow him out to the street, and you start to flag down a taxi, but Egbert stops you.

"We're walking. It's the perfect day for it." He says, starting down the sidewalk. You would stare at him as if he is crazy if he could see it. It's like, 45 and windy out. And you forgot your sweatshirt in the hotel room. You walk next to him until he gets to an ATM.

"Why are we going to the ATM? We have Bro's credit card." You say, pulling it out.

"It's an American card, we can't use it here."

"No, it's my bro's international card." You say, showing it to him. He looks at it and raises his eyebrows.

"That cab driver said he couldn't take it because it was American! Man, I got money out of my dad's account for nothing!" Egbert says. "Oh well. Come on, we gotta get clothes for everyone." He pulls a piece of paper out of his pocket. "I was gonna ask Jade to come with us, but I couldn't find her this morning." You follow him as he heads down the street.

"She's probably sleeping in like a normal person." You mumble as Egbert walks into a store. You lean against the wall as Egbert runs around the store like crazy. It's all girls clothes, so you take a little nap until he calls you over to check out. You swipe the card and sign Bro's name. He actually, legally changed his name to Bro. It gets a little awkward at business meetings, but most people just roll with it. After you sign the receipt, Egbert comes over and grabs the bags and drags you out the door. You follow him down to the next store, where Egbert makes you try shit on. You grab a white shirt with a broken record on it and some red skinny jeans. However, Egbert is not satisfied and makes you find two more shirts, a swimsuit, and pajama pants. You slouch around the store until Egbert is satisfied with what you've got.

After you've gotten all the clothes you need, you and Egbert barely fit in the taxi with all the bags. "We'll go back to the hotel to drop these off, and then we can go grocery shopping." Egbert says, yawning a little.

"Dude, we can do it later if you need some rest." You say, hoping he'll agree so you too can go the fuck back to sleep. You had forgotten how good sleep felt.

"No, I'll be fine. We really need to get the groceries so people will have something to eat for breakfast. Hopefully no one's up yet." He says and you groan. You just want to go to bed. You have never wanted anything more in your life. At least Egbert's not too bad. He does all the talking and doesn't expect you to say anything. You've only been half paying attention, but you've learned that his dad made, like, five hundred cakes when he was little, so he hates cake, he was way into pranks when he was younger, and while he still loves them, he's less into them. He really wants to be a computer programmer, but he didn't have the money for college, so he's playing piano and works as a waiter when he has to. He's obsessed with movies, but none of them are very good. He seems like a decent guy, but it's been a while since you actually hung out with someone, so you might not the best judge of character. He's not the worst person to spend time with, at least. The taxi pulls up to the hotel and Egbert hands the driver some money he probably withdrew last night, and stumbles out, you following him, grabbing some of the bags. "Oh, it's fine, I can get them!" He says, trying to grab them from you, but you pull them away from him.

"Hey, I want to help." He shrugs and pushes through the hotel doors and walks to the elevator, you following him. You get up to the hotel room and hold some more of Egbert's bags while he gets the hotel room key out and slides it into the lock. He pushes through the door and you follow him in, dropping the bags and turning to collapse on the couch, only to see a huge sweaty guy draped over it, with a small girl curled up on top of him. You turn back around and head over to the kitchen where Egbert is making a grocery list. You sit down in one of the chairs and lean over the table to try and get some sleep.

You doze off, but wake up not too much later to Egbert shaking your shoulder and pulling you up. You let him pull you out the door, wondering if he would notice if you fell asleep and just let him pull you around the grocery store. Probably. Oh well. Might as well help him as long as you're up. He leads you down the street to a grocery store called Edeka and heads over to get a shopping cart. The wind is picking up, so you tell him you'll wait inside. You forgot to grab your fucking hoodie again. You're too tired to remember this shit. You walk inside and are immediately drawn to what appears to be a bakery. Hell fucking yes. They have like, ten kinds of cake, tons of donuts, and some other shit you don't recognize. You're about to buy a donut when Egbert comes in. "Ready to go?" He asks and you nod and walk into the main store with him. You'll get one on the way out. You were planning to help him, but the moment you get in there, he starts running around trying to find everything, leaving you standing in the produce section. You shrug and start wandering around the store. You can't figure out where anything is, everything's in fucking German. After wandering around for a little while, you hit the jackpot. The fucking candy aisle. You walk down it grabbing anything that looks even a little bit good. Eventually you can't hold anymore and you run and try to find Egbert. You find him in the meat section, staring at the list. "Twenty steaks. TWENTY steaks. Twenty STEAKS. That can't be right." He mutters to himself. You drop all the candy in the cart and turn to him.

"BRO. There is a sick candy aisle here. It's like 60% Haribo, 20% other shit, and 20% chocolate. Come ON." You say, pulling at his arm.

"Hang on. Read this for me." He says, shoving the grocery list at you and pointing at something.

"Twenty steaks." You say, pulling his arm again. "COME OOOOON" You yell, trying to pull him along. "CANDY DUDE. CANDY."

"But… that can't be right. Why do we need TWENTY steaks? WHY?!" He yells, looking at you.

"I don't know, bro. Just grab them and come OOOON!" You start piling steaks into the cart.

"But… but…" He stammers. You get to twenty and you pick him up and put him in the cart and start wheeling it to the candy aisle. He's still freaking out over the steaks. He really needs to chill the fuck out and get excited about the candy. You push your way into the aisle and start grabbing more candy and piling it in on top of Egbert.

"Yo, Egbert, you gotta get out of the cart to make room for this sweet ass candy." You say, grabbing some chocolate and pouring them over him, trying to snap him out of his little freak out session. He slowly climbs out of the cart and looks around.

"Dave. You so do not need all this candy." He says, looking at the candy that's currently taking up half the cart.

"Hell ya I do. Don't worry I'll share some of it." You say, throwing some Kinder Eggs in. He sighs and starts helping you get candy. "And then we have to get apple juice. Is there anything else on the list we need to get?" You ask, getting about ten packs of Haribo gummy bears.

"Nope. Just anything you want."

"Alright, so Doritos and apple juice. They have Doritos here, right?" Egbert just shrugs.

You are finally heading back to the hotel with about 30 bags of groceries. You didn't know you had to bring your own bags, so you had to buy those, too. You are so mad that they didn't have Doritos. What are you going to eat now? When you finally reach the hotel room, you collapse outside the door while Egbert unlocks it. This is the most physical exercise you've had since that dude stole your wallet in Madrid. Fuck you are out of shape. You drag yourself in the door after Egbert and lie on the floor while he puts the groceries place. You hear a high pitched voice asking if he got any steaks, and a deep voice asking about fruits and vegetables and milk. "Dave, come help me make some breakfast. Or lunch." You groan. You have no idea how to cook, and even if you did, you really just want to sleep.

"Egbert, no. I'm fucking tired. I'm going to bed. I wore myself out jumping around, getting all that candy, which you should wait to give out until I divide it up, and carrying those groceries home. I'm going to bed." You say, pulling yourself into your room, hoping the sheets are dry by now. "And nobody touch my apple juice either!" You yell to the kitchen, climbing into bed between the sheets, and discovering no dampness, fall asleep.


	6. Piano Man

Piano Man

You are John Egbert, and you can't fall asleep. You've been lying here for hours now. You should be exhausted, you toured Neuschwanstein Castle today. Tavros was dying to see it, mostly because it was also known as the Sleeping Beauty castle. You had rented a car and driven up there, toured the castle for a couple hours, and driven back, but you were still wide awake. You decide to go down to the bar. A beer might help you sleep. You slide out of the bed, trying not to wake Dave, and slip out of the bedroom. You're almost to the door when you trip over something and fall, hitting the ground with a thud. You get up, hoping you didn't wake anyone up, and turn around to move whatever you tripped over, only to discover it was Nepeta. She blinks at you and you motion for her to go back to sleep. You turn back around and leave the room. You head over to the elevators, but then turn around to take the stairs. Maybe taking the stairs will exhaust you. You're halfway down when you realize that only works if you're going up the stairs.

You exit the stairwell into the lobby and head over to the bar. You hop onto a barstool and order the same beer Nepeta had ordered for you last night. The bartender brings it over to you and you chug it down. You wave for him to bring you another, and another after that. A couple beers later you call him over to ask if he has a six pack you could have. You want to do something, but you still want to drink while you do it. He nods and hands one over to you. You thank him, giving him the room number for him to charge it to. You head over to the reception desk and ring the bell a couple times before a worker comes out. "Haben sie ein Klavier?" you ask, and he nods, pointing you to the ballroom. You walk into it and head over to the piano in the corner. It's a grand piano and it's gorgeous. You walk over, pulling a beer out of the six pack and popping it open. You take a sip and sit down on the piano bench. You put the beer down on the floor with the rest of the six pack and place your fingers on the keys. You close your eyes and play the first real piece you ever learned. You don't remember the name, but you played it so much when you were younger, you memorized it. It sounds haunting, and it brings back a lot of memories of when you lived alone with your dad, before you guys adopted Jade.

"Sounds nice." You jump at the voice and fall backwards off the piano bench, hitting your head on the floor. You look up to see Dave sitting there, smirking at you. "Nice." He says, pulling you back on the bench.

"Dave you scared the shit out of me." You say, rubbing your head. "Hand me my beer, would you?" He nods and hands it to you. You take a long drink.

"Sorry bro. Guess I'm quieter than I thought I was." He shrugged and motioned to the piano. "Keep playing. It sounded good." You turn back to the piano and start from where you left off.

"How did you know I was here?" You ask, still playing.

"Heard you trip. I didn't want to get up, but when you didn't come back to the room, I thought I should make sure you were okay. So I left. Couldn't find you, so I asked at the reception desk if they had seen you. And they pointed me here." His voice tired. He leaned his head on your shoulder and you stopped playing.

"Do you want to go back upstairs to sleep?" You ask, taking another swig of your beer.

"No, I want to hear you play some more." He says, his voice soft. So you finish out the piece. "What was that? It sounded really cool." He asks and you shrug, forgetting for a second that his head was on your shoulder.

"I don't know. It was the first real piece I learned. I remember playing it over and over again until I had memorized it. I probably drove my dad crazy." You say, offering Dave a beer.

"What about Jade? Did it drive her crazy?" He asked, taking the beer.

"Jade wasn't living with us at the time." You say.

"What do you mean?" He asks, popping open his beer.

"We adopted her when she was sixteen. She had lived with her grandfather on some tiny island, only it turned out that the grandfather had died when she was young, and she had stuffed him. She had said she was honoring some family tradition, but it was super weird. Anyway, eventually someone found out, and they put her up for adoption. My dad had actually known Jade's grandfather, so we decided to adopt her."

"Huh, you guys look so similar I never would have thought she was adopted."

"Ya, well I never drove her crazy with my piano playing, but she sure drove me crazy with her flute playing. Her bass playing was quiet and nice, but she would play ridiculously high on her flute just to annoy me. Probably payback for all the pranks I played on her." You say, leaning back, forgetting you are on a piano bench. You fall off the back again, this time taking Dave with you. You laugh after the initial shock of hitting the floor wears off, but make no move to get back up again. Dave doesn't try to get up either, so you both just lie there, lifting your heads to drink more.

"Well, what else?" Dave asks.

"What do you mean?" You put your beer down.

"I don't know. What else is there to your life? What's your whole fucking life story? I don't know. I've never been good at small talk. Never had to make small talk."

"Um, well, I was born in Seattle, Washington and I've lived in the suburbs my whole life. Nothing really interesting happened. I had a pretty normal childhood, minus the mom. Learned to play the piano, played pranks, watched a lot of movies. Just normal stuff." You say, finishing off your beer and reaching for a new one.

"Really? Totally normal childhood? Nothing weird at all?" Dave sounds dubious.

"Well, I mean there was the whole anxiety thing and the writing on the wall." You say, without really meaning to.

"What do you mean?" Dave asks, rolling onto his side to look at you.

"Well, I didn't realize it until I was thirteen, but I was writing on my walls. Weird shit I thought about myself. My dad didn't really think anything of it at first, he just thought I had low self esteem. So he baked cakes for me all the time and left encouraging notes around the house for me to find. But see, I didn't realize I was writing the stuff on the wall. I blocked it out. When I looked at my room, I just saw my room. Without the writing. So I thought my dad was being condescending, and I got sick of his cakes. But then when I was thirteen and it hadn't stopped, my dad confronted me about it. And when I told him I didn't know what he was talking about, he took me to a psychiatrist. Then I was diagnosed with anxiety and minor depression, which explained a lot. Then things started getting better. I was still sick of his cakes, but I started having a better relationship with my dad. But that's about the weirdest thing that happened to me." You say, drinking some more of your beer. "What about you? What was your life like?" Dave rolls back onto his back and sighs.

"My life was fucking screwed up, and I am not drunk enough to tell you about it. Let me get a few more beers in me and then maybe." He says, popping open another beer. "Let's just do twenty questions until then."

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want." You say.

"Nah, it's fine. Someone ought to know. Well, besides Rose anyway. What's your favorite movie?"

"Oh god. Tie between Ghostbusters and Con Air." You say. "You?"

"Dude you have got to be fucking kidding me. Those are TERRIBLE movies. What the fuck are you thinking Egbert. I'm only telling you this because I care. You have fucking awful taste in movies." He says, shoving your shoulder.

"Don't tell me how to live my life!" You say, laughing and shoving him back.

"And I don't really watch movies. More of a music man." Dave says.

"Alright then, what's your favorite kind of music?" You ask.

"My music."

"Not full of yourself at all then?"

"Not even a little. Your music's pretty sick, too."

"You think so?"

"Definitely." You shoot questions at each other and eventually run out of beer. You send Dave to get some more. He returns with not only a six pack, but with two bottles of vodka.

"Do you need to be that drunk?"

"Uh, yes."

"Alright. What is your deepest fear?"

"Swimming." He answers without hesitation as he sits down.

"Really? I wouldn't think it." You grab a one of the vodka bottles and drink some of it. It burns, but in the best way.

"Well it goes back to when I was a kid, but you'll hear all about that when I'm good and drunk. What about you?"

"I don't know. I never really thought about it. I don't really have one specific thing I'm scared of. I'm more scared of the idea that we're all insignificant. That nothing we do really matters in the end, that one day, there will be no sign we even existed. And I mean, it's pretty true. In the future the sun will expand, the Earth will roast, and there'll be no sign we ever existed. So I guess it's not really a fear, just me being sad about the way things will end up." You take another sip and notice Dave has almost finished his bottle of vodka. How he's managed to do that you have no idea."You drunk enough yet?" Dave drains the rest of the vodka and nods.

"Ya, guess so. I was orphaned when I was a kid, and my bro found me lying in a fucking park one day. He decided to raise me on his own, instead of turning me into social services. I don't know why, he was only sixteen. But I'm not entirely convinced that my bro is one hundred percent right in the head, so I can't explain his shitty actions. Anyway, he raised me in some apartment that had originally been his parents. I don't know what happened to them, they were out of the picture before I arrived. He started training me with swords when I was really young. I don't know what the fuck he was thinking, giving a kid a sword and then making me fucking fight with him. He said he was training me for something, but he never told me what. Probably just needed someone to practice with. He also 'trained' me by throwing me into the deep end of the pool to teach me to swim. I almost drowned, which is where my fear comes from. After a while, he got more and more distracted and the only time he fucking even noticed me was when we were fighting or we were trading mixes. He had started a store for swords and those stupid pointy shades of his. After a while he had made a fuck ton of money and he started up a fucking _puppet porn_ business of all things. After that, all interactions stopped. I was on my own for money, school, everything. I didn't really need to earn my own money, but I still worked as a DJ, mostly cuz I didn't have an interest in going to college, and mixing music is all I'm good for. So I graduated high school and just kept working clubs." He finished off his beer and turned his head to look at you, his shades shifting slightly on his face.

"Woah. Dave, that sucks." He just shrugs.

"Wasn't so bad. I just had a lot of time to myself. Hey, play me something else." He says.

"Alright. Any requests?" You ask, climbing back onto the bench, hoping you're not too drunk to play anything. You look down at Dave, still on the floor.

"Oh I don't fucking care. Play anything." You grin and turn around, placing your fingers on the keys and start to play. "Oh HELL no. You are not playing the fucking Ghostbusters theme song. Stop that." He yells from the floor, but you keep playing, laughing. He gets up from the ground and grabs your arms, trying to stop you, but you manage to keep playing. Eventually he tackles you to the ground, taking the bench with you. He lands on top of you and you're laughing, almost hysterical. Dave is laughing as well, pinning you down with one arm and reaching for a beer with the other.

"Are you gonna let me up?" You ask, still laughing.

"If you promise to NEVER play that fucking song again. Or at least not while I'm around."

"Fine, fine! Now let me up!" But instead of letting you up, Dave leans down and presses his mouth to yours. It's a drunken kiss, sloppy, but wonderful, and you sink into it, pulling him closer to you. You wrap your arms around him, drawing him in. He kisses with intensity, and you try to mirror it. Dave breaks the kiss first, mumbling something about being tired. You push him up gently and you both stumble back to the hotel room.

You throw his sweatpants at him and then you change into your own. By the time you've got yours on, he's already in bed. You crawl under the covers with him, your head swimming. A bed has never looked this inviting. You curl up next to Dave and close your eyes, eager to go to sleep.


	7. Homebound

Homebound

"JOHN! Great news! We have plane tickets home! The storm has cleared up, they've sent our luggage home, and we have tickets booked for six tomorrow night! Come on, JOHN get UP!" You groan, your head pounding. You shove where you think Egbert is. "Yo, bro, go tell your sister to shut the fuck up. Some people have hangovers here."

"Ugh, no, you go tell her. My head is in the middle of cracking in half. No more talking." Great. You're both hung-over. You shove him over until he's hanging off the bed.

"Come on, just go tell her to shut the fuck up and bring us some pain meds." Egbert groans but you hear him shuffle out of the room.

"Jade, for the love of God, shut up. And find some pain meds. My head is splitting open, and so is Dave's." He shuffles back into the room and collapses back on the bed. You close your eyes, trying to block out all stimuli. A little while later, Jade pads into the room and hands you each a pill and a glass of water.

"This is the only pain medicine I could find right now, and it only lasts about four hours. I'll go out later and try and find some longer lasting medicine, but this will have to do for now. I told the others not to be loud or disturb you, and I'll bring you something to eat when I get you those pills." Jade says softly. You swallow the pill, (goddamn why is it so big, it's like the size of fucking Rhode Island) and gulp down the rest of the water before rolling over and trying to get back to sleep. You hear Egbert gulp down his water and you feel the arm that he slings out, hitting you.

You spend the next couple hours between waking and sleeping. Your body refuses to sink into unconsciousness and it is SO. FUCKING. ANNOYING. Your head is pounding and your throat is dry, and you want nothing more than to be asleep. It's partially Egbert's fault. He's restless and he keeps hitting you with his arms. At one point you think he rolled on top of you. Around four Jade comes in and hands you both pills and a bottle of water each. "These will last for twelve hours, so you shouldn't need another one after this. I brought you both a banana, an omelet, and a piece of toast. I tried to find some cold packs for you, but they didn't have any at the drugstore. Do you guys need anything else?" Jade spoke softly, like she had experience with people who had hangovers. You groan and wave her off, swallowing your medicine and then taking a bite of your toast. It's plain, so you stick the omelet on top of it and eat them both at once. You save the banana for later and curl up under the covers again. Egbert is sitting up, eating his toast and staring off into space.

"You okay, Egbert?" He nods.

"I'm just trying to remember what happened last night. The last thing I remember is playing the Ghostbusters theme song. Do you remember anything after that?" You do, actually. You remember finally kissing Egbert. You'd thought about it since that night he came home blind drunk. There was just something about him… But you could never tell him. No way would he be happy about kissing you. You weren't someone people wanted to be in a relationship with. You were a one night stand. "Dave?" Egbert breaks through your thoughts.

"Oh, no. Sorry. Guess we'll never know." He finishes off his toast and slides back down under the covers. He falls asleep almost immediately, but you lie awake a little while longer, just looking at Egbert. You reach over and take off his glasses and place them on his nightstand before sliding your own down your nose and placing them next to your phone. You close your eyes and hope you can get some sleep.

Egbert wakes you up at four the next afternoon, and you spend the afternoon trying to fit all your shit in your bag. You eventually get all of it except for your candy, but you put that in one of the cloth bags you had to buy for the groceries. Everyone is running around the hotel room in pandemonium, trying to get their shit together. All through this, Egbert is ranting about how Nepeta ate all twenty steaks over three days, but you only half pay attention. You don't want to have to part with Egbert in Washington D.C. Maybe you can come up with an excuse to keep in touch. There is that super rich couple who need a piano player for their wedding. That will definitely work. You leave an hour before your flight is supposed to leave and take five cabs to the airport. You check in, go through security, and make it to the gate a half hour before six. Egbert goes up to see where your seats are. You sit down next to Jade. "So, Egbert tells me you're adopted." You say as she slides you a sandwich she bought after going through security.

"Yup. I'm from an a small island near the Galapagos. I still go out there to visit my old home. No one else lives there, so I might live there while researching nuclear physics. If I can ever get a scholarship to a college. I've been saving for years now, hoping that way I won't need a full scholarship. John suggested I go into law enforcement to make some money, since I'm so good with guns." She pauses to take a bite of her own sandwich. "I told him he should be the one in law enforcement. He loves investigating stuff. He gets it from his grandma. Before she died, she would set up little mysteries for him to solve. At least that's what Dad told me." She leans back in the seat, putting down her sandwich for a second and tying her hair up in a ponytail. You watch her, fascinated. How she manages to get all her hair into a hair tie is beyond you. John comes back as she finishes and she hands him a sandwich. "So where are our seats?"

"We got three sort of together. There are two on one side and one in the middle. So they are technically together." John plops down next to you. "And I call the window seat. I like watching the clouds." He says, stretching.

"You two can sit together if you want." Jade says.

"Fuck, you don't have to do that." You take a swig of the apple juice you bought at one of the airport stores.

"Oh, I don't mind. I like meeting new people! Plus I'll see John all the time at home. We probably won't see you for a while again after D.C."

"You won't?" You ask, disappointed. You should have known they wouldn't want to hang around you.

"Well, no. We don't have the money to travel right now. We only get bumped up to first class because we fly so much. So we can't travel anymore for a while now. We're gonna have to work at some restaurants to make enough money to pay rent. But I guess if you come visit us, then we'll see you." You breathe a mental sigh of relief. So they don't hate you.

You are so relieved, but all you say is, "Oh, cool. Maybe I will." You chill out at the gate for a little longer before they call for first class passengers and you head onto the airplane. You follow Egbert to your seats and slide one of your bags in the overhead compartment and stick the other one under the seat in front of you. John has already pulled out what has got to be the thickest goddamn book in existence. If that thing hit someone, it could fucking kill them. It's pretty old and it's got a really strong smell, but it's not bad. You pull out your gum and your phone and headphones. You stick the gum in your pocket and you pull up one of your older mixes. It's not as good as your new shit, but it's still pretty sick.

Egbert nudges you and you open your eyes, blinking. "We're about to take off, you have to put your phone up." You nod and shove your phone in your pocket and your headphones in your bag. You pop in some gum and then offer some to Egbert, but he shakes his head, so you put it up. When you look back up, he's reading.

"What are you reading?"

"Harry Potter. The seventh one. Have you read them?" You nod.

"Ya, but it was so long ago, I barely remember them. I'll have to reread them. I think they were the only books I voluntarily read. It's not that I don't like to read, I just can't focus long enough to get through one." You really did try. There was just something else you could always be doing, something that involved moving. You watch movies, but only if you have something you can do while watching, like wrapping your hands, or cleaning your wounds. You like mixing because you can move with the flow of the music, and you can tell what's supposed to come next. It's the same with skateboarding.

"I brought the first one with me if you want to read it." John pulls it out of his backpack and hands it to you."

"Really? Thanks Egbert." You lean your chair back and open the book up. You both read for a while but after half an hour you're only halfway through the first chapter. You groan and poke John, who has fallen asleep. "Hey. Egbert. Wake the fuck up. Egbert." You poke him a couple more times.

"What? I want to sleep."

"Read to me." You shove the book at him.

"Why? Read to yourself and let me sleep."

"I can't focus. Just read to me." Egbert takes the book and asks where you were. "Page 15." Egbert opened the book and started reading to you. Four chapters later, Egbert put the book down.

"Dave, I can't read anymore."

"Alright we'll watch as movie." You say, starting up the screen on the back of the seat in front of you. Everyone is asleep anyway, a movie would probably be less disruptive. You scroll through the movies, but you can't find anything you both agree on.

"We're never going to agree on anything." Egbert says, trying to select Ghostbusters again. You swat his hand away.

"We are NOT watching Ghostbusters. DUDE. You try picking that again and I swear I will punch you."

"Fine. I don't know what we're going to watch though."

"Dude."

"I'm not even close to Ghostbusters."

"No, bro, they have Pacific Rim."

"I've never seen that. Is it good?"

"Dude it's the best fucking movie ever. I can't believe you haven't seen it." You click it and plug in your headphones. You use the shitty ones that came with your iPhone so you can share with John. You hand one headphone to John and stick the other in your ear.

"Well I only have Netflix, so if it's not on there, I haven't seen it."

"Why don't you rent them from Redbox?" You ask, pausing the movie so John doesn't miss anything.

"I can't afford it. The Netflix isn't even mine, it's Karkat's. I still have his password from when we were roommates." You click the movie and lean back. "So what's the movie about, anyway?"

"Shhhh. You'll see."

As the movie progresses, you keep trying to spoil it, but John keeps shushing you. And then proceeds to talk and try to figure out the plot. You are both thoroughly annoying each other. "DAVE! Stop spoiling the movie!"

"Well then, stop trying to figure out the whole plot, EGBERT."

"Both of you, shush. You're going to wake Karkat, and that will not be a pretty sight. If you two don't shut it, I will come over there and make you shut up." Jade whispered from across the aisle. Her eyes flashed and you shut your mouth.

"Let's just watch the movie." Egbert says, and you nod, turning back to the screen. You both continue the movie until you feel Egbert's head drop onto your shoulder. You look over and see that he's sound asleep. You pull the headphone out of his ear and put it in yours, and you pull out your iPhone. You pause the movie, pull the headphones out and plug them in your phone. You start a playlist you downloaded off the internet from some guy, DiStri. Really talented with music and with electronics, he upgraded your iPhone so it would work a billion times better. You close your eyes and let your head fall onto Egbert's.


End file.
